Interlude - A taste of my family background.

You know sometimes I amaze myself. My entire exterior contradicts nearly everything my interior represents and most would probably never understand me or the type of person I am, and I’m completely okay with that because I struggle to answer that question myself, but one thing I do know for sure is that where there is love, there is a greater pain; and I am profoundly habituated to both.

My family as a whole contributed to the madness that spirals round my head. To elaborate further I’ll start with my immediate family. My mother and father, both very different human beings, one could actually argue that they are in fact the complete opposite. But as the saying goes it turns out that opposites really do attract, but what was not mentioned is how they do not attract for so long and I guess that their separation was inevitable now that you think about it. I live in a home where false hope is encouraged and kept promises are a myth, where a series of bad decisions made by people who you would think could avoid them and should avoid them still somehow surrender to the same pitfalls that led the family to a place with no certainty, just endless doubt. I find it frightening how your child can pick up on the mistakes that punish the family quicker than their parent can, and one of the many burdens of growing older is that you become wiser and tend to point out every little flaw a person carries, including the people you love the most. You become filled with so much resentment in your heart that you eventually end up changing your whole perspective of that person. On the plus side, you also start to understand more and know why certain things are the way they are.